To all of the lovely people out there, HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY! I want to dedicate this post to my mother, the person that has pushed me to become the woman I am today. She is my source of inspiration and part of the reason I was able to go to Portugal alone.

Let me tell you a story. When my mother was 23 years old,

Until recently, I was never a “YES” gal. I was always a “maybe, depending on who else is going or not” or weigh-the-options-too-long-and-lose-the-opportunity type of person. I was stuck in my comfort zone, afraid of stepping too far out, living in the safety net. I was missing out on so much of life just out of pure anxiety and fear.

But saying YES isn’t what this post is about. It’s about saying no.

Saying “yes” sounds like a positive thing, but it’s not always. I say “yes” mostly because I want to, but ironically I struggle with saying “no” at times therefore I just say “yes”. I don’t know how to say “no” because I prioritize the other person’s interest because I’m still somewhat of a people pleaser. I do things I don’t really want to do to make the other person happy. Writing this out just makes it even more clear how ridiculous this sounds. Least to say my own feelings becomes collateral damage. Maybe you’re a people pleaser also. That’s okay, as long as you consider your needs and your best interest at a high priority. To do so, I had to learn how to say “no” again.

Your story reminds me of someone I was once — the girl that was tirelessly trying to make the relationship work.

Do you even want me? Am I even a priority in your life? Why does it take you hours to respond to me? We were supposed to hang out. What happened?

Constantly looking for validation from him because you need him to tell you that you’re important because you’re not sure. You know in your gut that this isn’t right, it isn’t what you want, but you can’t help but to keep giving him chances. You keep trying to make it work because real love is to keep trying right?

2018, you have been a wild one.

I took a lot of risks. Spontaneously flew to Iceland and Barcelona. Made friends in the most random places. Drove for the first time since I got my license in Iceland. Jumped into random hot springs. Flew to 4 countries alone, visited 8 cities. Dealt with 3 deaths. Withdrew from college. Almost moved to Japan. Almost got a promotion but withdrew. I’ve cried my heart out more than I can count, but laughed even more than that. I have memories from this past year I hope I will never forget. Above all, I’ve learned and grew from all of the experiences. I’m finally becoming a fearless woman that I’ve always wished I could be.

But It wasn’t always like this.

Just about a year ago, someone told me “stop taking yourself so seriously”.

It was a criticism that I didn’t understand and it stuck with me. Since then I’ve challenged the idea and wondered how in the world was I taking my self so serious? I was just being me. I just assumed for a while that the person that had given me this criticism just didn’t understand my ambitious nature. However, whether that person understood or not was not the point.

After almost a year, it’s finally starting to make sense.

I’ve named this post withdrawing from college instead of dropping out of college because for some reason “dropping out” freaks people out. I’ve been a bit nervous to post this because unfortunately I still care about what people think and I still have insecurities. But here it is—

Why I withdrew.

I was absolutely miserable and didn’t feel like sitting through Calculus classes for a potential future in civil engineering. It didn’t make sense to me, why was I investing two hours a day, twice a week, miserable out my mind and studying for 6 more hours just for a possible future in civil engineering. I felt like I was wasting my precious time that I could be investing in working on something that I love. So I abruptly withdrew from the two classes I was taking and now I’m actively working on my blog and trying to figure out if I want to pursue blogging “professionally”. Maybe instead I want to do marketing, creative work… something that gets me out

I’ve been really struggling to write on my blog this week because I want everything to be perfect. This is something I do too much. I want things to be good enough before it can be seen. I’m afraid to be vulnerable and show you guys a…